|Thursday, June 14th, 2007|
I have been admitted to St John Of God in North Richmond, I leave tomorrow at 9 am.
As such all publishings of my book are on hiatus until further notice
|Thursday, May 24th, 2007|
I haven't been on here in months and there is reasoning behind it.
I wrote a book.
Maybe it's a load of crap, maybe it isn't, I can't really judge seeing as how I'm automatically biased.
Illusions Of Truth will be available on the 18th of June 2007 and I don't expect any of you to buy it but posting this makes it seem more real that I'm actually publishing it.
|Tuesday, March 20th, 2007|
I lost another friend today
too many people are gone
why does nobody stay
they cant seem to face the world
I cant seem to face it without them
And so I cry
for every broken hearted suicide
for every needless overdose
for everyone I love
for everyone I've lost
I miss you Kyan
I love you
but I will see you again
I'm not so far behind
it's just another dose
just another shot
all to forget I'm alive
but you're not Current Mood: broken
|Wednesday, March 14th, 2007|
| It seems I only ever come on here to rant or when I'm feeling particularly self-indulgent. I'll do my best to be here more often, lol I seem to say that alot.
If you're not even remotely interested in my shit or have a low tolerance for bad language then I seriously recomend you skip the next bit!
***STARTING RANT HERE***
My entire fucking life is going to hell right around me! I got kicked out of home, I'm about to get kicked out of school, all my friends are betraying & deserting me one by one, 3 people are trying to get me bashed, I'm totally broke seem to be growing more and more addicted to all my little happy pills and powders. And to top it all off I'm out of ciggarettes and fucking pms-ing. And If one more stupid little kid tells me how it must be awesome to be me I am going to fucking SNAP!!!
***END OF RANT***
wow it was shorter than I expected. Fuck I hate my life and FUCK i sound so fucking emo!!!
But anyways enough ranting, i have (yet another) poem]
How often I've cried out
in silent tonue
to be saved
In the middle of the night
terrified the answer
may be beyond
of my own to hands
(no-one should feel this alone)
thankyou all so much for listening or reading or even noticing my existence as anything real
I love you all
Current Mood: depressed
|Saturday, February 24th, 2007|
|All I have left
I'll bleed away the pain
watch it flow away
the knife against my veins
crying crimson tears
each slash across my arms
a balm to my heart
every scar to grace my thighs
gives me one more day
the further my soul sinks
the further I sink my blades
each drop that takes the pain
tears away the last fragments of my soul
each drop that takes the pain
chips away all that remains of my heart
been dead so long
and still I bleed
keep cutting deeper
leave no time to heal
carve your words into my skin
manifestations of my memories
all I have left
|Wednesday, February 21st, 2007|
I have something to say
I wont admit it to my family
I wont admit it to my friends
but I need to say it to someone
so here it is
On Friday the 16th of Febuary 2007
I attempted suicide
turns out a bottle of Vodka, an entire perscription of vallium
and a 300mg of cocain doesn't really get you as dead as I hoped
neither does slicing down your veins.
Now not only am I alive but I'm hospitalised
I cant drink, I cant smoke, I cant play my guitar
I'm not even allowed to go outside
my mother believes that I am looking for attention
and that the enire "episode" was just a performance
I despise the woman
I have for years
she'd do anything to be rid of me
why wont anyone just let me die
|Wednesday, February 14th, 2007|
Happy Valentines Day Darlings!!!
Ryn xox Current Mood: people keep giving me stuff =D
|Tuesday, January 30th, 2007|
I'm going back to school tomorrow, after being away for a year. I am so so nervous! But my best friend dropped out when I did and she's coming back with me so that makes me feel a little better. I'm so glad my Lana is coming back with me, it seems that that girl will stick with me through everything. I love her so much. but yes, omg I am so scared! I have so many enemies at school and like 3 friends, so I'm kinda screwed! but yeah, fingers crossed
|Sunday, January 28th, 2007|
I'm pinging off my head right now! Current Mood: Pinging
It's been 3 months now since I've gone to bed sober, non drug-fucked, alone and before dawn! and I go back to school in a few days i'm gonna be so fucked! i really need to figure out how to balance my lifestyle. we were all stitting around pinging off our heads last night and talking about where we'd be if we lived our dreams. I want to go be a rockstar and it wouldn't be any different except i'd have cash! I'm actually going back to school this year, i dropped out for a year to go be a drunken, drugfucked whore and i can't even bring myself to rgret it. Infact if I had to have a do-over I dont think I'd change a thing. I love the people I have now. I'd do anything for them and they'd do the same. i'ts amazing how the best people I'ver ever met are classified as the fucking dregs of society. It's such bullshit though, I love those kids just as much as they love me. i'm going to go kick atlest 2 randoms out of my bed so I can go sleep off my hangover.
love you all
|Wednesday, January 24th, 2007|
|Tuesday, January 23rd, 2007|
I cant forget you
I want to
I never want to
I'm still trying though
Would it help
I tried to say goodye today
I tried so hard to let go
I wanted to
I dont ever want to
But I'm still trying
Will it feel any different
Either way you're still gone
Left to join all those I loved
Left to be with those I still love
I want to hate them
I want to hate you
I'm still trying
But I never will
I could never forget you
I could never let you go
I could never hate you
but I wish like hell I could Current Mood: devestated
Nathon's funeral was this afternoon, god it was painful. it brings it up to 11 this last year. everyone keeps dying around me and theres nothing i can do. I keep on burying the people I love most in the world. I cant write. I can't think. I can't even breathe.
|Thursday, January 18th, 2007|
On Saturday the 13th of January 2007 Nathan Poisal died.
And the world didn't stop, it should've but it continued spinning and twirling like it didn't even matter, like the death of one person is nothing. but it's wrong. To one small group of crazy, drunken, high, promiscuous fuck-ups It's Everything!
We always thought the stupid fucker was invincible! All the crazy, drunken, downright retarded things that boy did and it was a freak bike accident while riding with his dad. We loved Poisal, he was one of the most insane, stoned, best people we have ever met and we are all going to miss him like hell!
So here is my shout out to Little P in the Big Red Car
I fucking love you and I fucking miss you and I wont ever forget you.
Current Mood: Devestated
|Saturday, January 6th, 2007|
| There's no light at the end of my tunnel
there's no shimmering rightness
I'm not going to a better place
& there's nowhere to run
I have a heart that bleeds but wont beat
I have a soul that's weary
I have nightmares
I can't escape the cold
I'm alone in the dark
|Monday, January 1st, 2007|
|Tuesday, December 26th, 2006|
|o look it's xmas...... kill me now xox
As you all may or may not have noticed I haven't been around for awhile. I'm sorry for that and I missed you all! Things have been so hellishly hectic lately, I haven't wanted to do anything but scream, but I'm back now and I intend to make up for my way-too-long absence. Thank-you you're beautiful to everyone who didnt delete me from their friend lists and fuck you to everyone who did!
Happy Christmas to everyone, evil god-forsaken holiday that it is, I hope you all survived & maybe even enjoyed it.
I Heart You All
Ryn Current Mood: Unbelievably Hungover
|Monday, October 30th, 2006|
I need your honest opinions again, I did alot more work on this song than the last one and I like it way more but im still not totally sure about it so...
Anything you guys have to offer would be great.
Current Mood: nervous
|Tuesday, October 24th, 2006|
I'm tired, I'm cranky, I just dumped the guy who supposedly loves me because I got sick of him saying it and expecting me to say it back, pffft like that was going to happen. I hate more than half my friends, stupid shallow sycophants, wish they'd just stop following me around. My muse is ignoring me. No-one seems to want to stop talking about how much of a disapointment I am. There is an entire 3 blogs totally devoted to bitching about me. Yes I am a somewhat alcoholic, drug taking, boarderline sociopathic, hypercritical, antisocial, masochistic, bi-polar bitch who may or may not have fucked with someone you know Current Mood: pissed off
Deal with it! I'm not ashamed of it and I've got enough shit of my own I don't need yours and I don't give a fuck about what any of you think of me.
The nightmares are back
The vallium doesn't help
I'm out of marlboro's
|Friday, October 20th, 2006|
please kill me now
i cant do this anymore
im used up and im finished
left forgotten on the floor
i tried so hard
i gave so much
no need for backwards glances
there's no-one left behind
no-one waiting for me
no use looking forward
there's no light at the end of my tunnel
no reason to say
there's nothing keeping me here
so many broken masks
so many empty words
would you even notice?
would any of you care?
i dont know
i dont care
i've killed my heart
i've lost my mind
i have no soul
i am not cruel but neither i am not kind
your promises are meaningless
but then again so are mine
you keep telling me I'm perfect
that im an angel lost in time
but I'm just a beautiful illusion
the prettiest of lies
AN. I like a few lines I hate a few others. None of it flows, It's jarring and without rhythm, it has no continuity and strays between my thoughts and the twisted mess of my emotions.
Love it Hate it be Indifferent, i dont mind. It's honest and as such I make no apologies.